


Take Me From The Dark

by SkinnyCanuck



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-11-26
Packaged: 2018-04-12 09:13:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4473629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkinnyCanuck/pseuds/SkinnyCanuck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompted on Tumblr by Repeatinglitanies: With his son’s death, Mr Gold has nothing left to live for. And has calmly decided to hang himself inside his big pink Victorian House. But as he climbs the chair and readies to put the rope around his neck, he hears the doorbell. Deciding to answer it and send the unwanted visitor running, he opens the door to find Belle, a new neighbor who just moved in that day and come to say hello with a basket.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a prompt I came across on Tumblr Via Repeatinglitanies VIA thestraggletag... And I like to write angst. So here is my interpretation of the prompt! Maybe there will be more to come? if people enjoy it that is... ;)

The last of the Scotch was poured into a crystal tumbler. It was the finest stuff Mr. Gold had in his house, purchased the day he got into Law school and locked away, only to emerge on the most special of occasions.

When Gold graduated law school he took a small tumbler full in celebration. After his first marriage, he and his wife each took their own portions. After Neal was born he took another. When his divorce to Milah was finalized, he pulled out the crystal decanter and poured himself a hefty amount and downed it almost in one go.  He forgoed the drink for his second wedding to Cora, the elopement not giving him enough time to pack it. Perhaps that’s why the marriage broke up so quickly? Though Gold had suspected it was not the lack of lucky scotch that doomed them. Him working long hours combined with the fact that Cora was a heartless bitch may have been the actual cause. Both Neal and Gold took four shots of it each on that occasion - followed by a few bottles of wine, to which they then proceeded to throw every last piece of what was Cora's or reminded Gold of Cora that was left in the large salmon house onto the front lawn before drunkenly changing the locks. By hand.

Neal’s wedding had the decanter pulled out and two glasses removed with Neal insisting that the drink was too strong and that Emma would not approve, though in the end they both agreed to a shot each, for good luck. When Henry was born Mr. Gold had to sneak the traditional liquid in a small flask up his sleeve, father and the new father stealing a shot in the closet near the nurses’ station.

When Neal got sick the decanter was pushed to the back of the liquor cabinet only to be pulled out months later after the Doctors said Neal was now in remission. It was only a year after that when the sickness returned, and the crystal decanter was shoved deep into the lower part of the liquor cabinet. A month after that it was removed from the liquor cabinet all together and hidden away within the darkness under the kitchen sink.

Mr. Gold stared contemplatively at the now empty decanter sitting on the top of his Mahogany desk and rolled his fine crystal glass between the palms of his hands. It had been a year since Neal had passed and a year since Gold had been able to feel anything at all.

To everybody else, that Thursday was just like every other Thursday, starting out the same as Thursdays usually do.

 Mr. Gold, for instance, began his day staring at the ceiling for a few hours before his alarm blared at 6 am. Waking up was not an easy task anymore; Instead of briskly waking up bright and early the second his alarm went off, as was his normal habit for the past 50 odd years, he would let his alarm clock _beep beep beep_ for so long that eventually he began to imagine (in his delirious sleep deprived state) what life must be like without that nagging _beep beep beep_ in the background, until eventually moving a sluggish arm to swat the snooze button. After adjusting to the silence Mr. Gold continued with his morning routine, going through the motions but never really paying attention to the details.

He somehow always immerged from the Salmon house impeccably dressed in his trademark dark suit and gold hilted cane. He would scowl at the passerby’s as they nodded their greetings to the town miser. Once upon a time they would cross the street and avoid him at all costs, however after the death of his son, Storybrooke had decided to take pity on the lonely old man, and it showed clearly on their faces as they passed him by. Mr. Gold didn’t want their pity.

And so they day went on, like any other Thursday. Gold closed up shop early and made his first stop to the Dark Star Pharmacy where he purchased a bundle of nylon rope, a small stool and a pack of gum. David Nolan was waiting in line behind him and attempted to make small talk, though it was obvious Mr. Gold was not in the mood for the Vet tech’s poor attempt at reaching out. No one even batted an eye at Mr. Gold’s purchases.

After, Gold stopped by the cemetery to have a short conversation with his son before going home and pulling out the half empty decanter. Today was a special day after all, and he told Neal just that when he crouched in the wet grass, passing a hand over the grey stone slab that held the cold details of Neal’s relatively short life.

The late afternoon sun glistened on the crystal decanter scattering an array of tiny rainbows across the papers lying neatly upon his desk. He quietly gave the papers a once over, making sure he had everything taken care of. The deed to the house and the shop, the codes to all his accounts and keys to his safe were all neatly lined up under an envelope addressed simply to _Emma_ in his familiar loopy cursive. Next to that, a handful of envelopes addressed to various people within Storybrooke, including one containing the keys to his car and deeds to several of the buildings he possessed, addressed to his former step daughter and current Mayor Regina Mills.

Mr.Gold grabbed a final envelope and left the confines of his office. He placed said envelope addressed to _Dove_ on the entryway table along with a list of instructions and finally made his way into the living room where the Nylon rope neatly hung in a noose, the stool sitting directly underneath and waiting patiently for Mr. Gold. He approached his makeshift noose impassively, as if this was how he ended all his days and for the first time in a long while Gold felt a bit of a smile twitch on his lips at the morbid thought.

It was not an easy thing for him to step up onto the stool, his bad leg throbbing from his time crouched at his Son’s grave. Finally he was able to find purchase on the stool, flipping his long hair out of his eyes before confidently placing the soft loop over his head and tightening the noose at his neck. From his position he could see across the living room and the open concept kitchen, and all the way to the front door. When Dove came in the morning to do Mr. Gold’s accounting as he always did on Friday, he would have a clear view of Mr. Gold. If Gold’s heart wasn’t so numb at that moment, then perhaps he would have felt a little bit guilty forcing someone to walk in on him in that state. No one deserved that sort of surprise so early in the morning. And just before the weekend too…

Mr. Gold closed his eyes and inhaled deeply then exhaled, conjuring up his favorite memories of Neal – his best and only friend; his beautiful boy. One more inhale later and Gold finally got the courage to slowly raise one foot upwards. Unknown to the man inside, a stranger decided to pay a visit to the elegant and flamboyant victorian. she bounced up the front steps, dark hair fluttering behind her and clutching loosely a basket full of muffins made especially for the sad man in the pink house.

Inside, a determined Mr. Gold silently sent up a prayer to Neal and held his breath. The minute his prayer was sent, the chime of his doorbell called out to him, stopping him from letting go…


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so I didn't expect this sort of positive response, you all seemed to want more! thanks for all the pleasant comments and kudos. Please note that the following story does contain subject matter pertaining to depression and suicide and may be a bit uncomfortable for those who are sensitive to this type of matter, so please be advised.  
> I wanted to play around with the characters a bit and make them my own, so I upped Mr.Gold's cynicism and gave both Belle and him a bit of dry, albeit morbid at times, sense of humor.  
> And so without further adieu, here is part two... that rhymes doesn't it?

Mr.Gold cursed quietly to himself, glancing at the front door. The late afternoon light spilled through the checkered stain glass windows and he could clearly make out the petite shape of a person on the other side of the glass.  

Gold stood still on the stool and debated just going ahead and stepping off, visitor be damned. However the blasted bell chimed again and Gold screwed up his face in frustration, finally removing himself from the noose and stepping down from his perch. He would send the intruder away and then finish what he set out to do.

With long limping strides, Gold made his way to the front door, the bell ringing for a third time.

“Work on your bloody patience, will you…” Gold murmured under his breath as he fumbled with the single lock, swearing out loud when the improperly installed lock wouldn't budge, as usual. Gold gave it a slight shove of his shoulder and finally was able to unbolt the door.

He schooled his features into the coldest look he could manage before pulling open the door, and prepared to tell whoever it was to fuck right off to hell, when he stopped in surprise and looked down at the pretty dark haired woman who was smiling brightly up at him.

Gold did not know this woman at all, and he knew everyone in town.

“Hello!” she said warmly, as though she were greeting an old friend.

Yes, this woman was definitely a stranger for no one would ever greet Mr.Gold as if he were a friend. Gold did not have time for friends.

“What are you doing on my property?” Mr.Gold snapped peevishly in greeting, nearly grinning with triumph when the woman’s smile lessened a bit and she blinked rapidly.

“I made you muffins.” The woman replied simply, raising the small picnic basket she held in her hands.

Mr.Gold blinked downwards in surprise and examined the small woven basket held out for his inspection. On top were placed about a half dozen golden brown muffins. These didn't look like store bought muffins, but fresh and made from scratch. Gold could practically see the steam still rising off the tops of them. He blinked his eyes upwards from the muffins and looked back at the woman standing on his step, her smile annoyingly still in place. 

“And why would I want muffins from a _complete_ stranger?” Gold sighed impatiently while pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to ease the ache that began to grow there. He was beginning to feel the effects of that scotch. A light chuckle brought him back to himself and he frowned at the woman, whose face had suddenly begun to turn a bit red in embarrassment.

“Oh my God, I'm so sorry! I completely forgot my manners. My name is Belle. I uh… I just moved in next door.” She said with a nod to the white duplex to the right of his house. That explained why he didn't recognize her but didn't explain why she was standing on his step. Gold glanced over at the building (one of the few buildings he actually didn’t own) and then back at the woman.

“Well, congratulations Dearie. Now if you don't mind, I'm sort of in the middle of something, yeah?” Gold gave Belle a weary look and slowly backed away, no longer in the mood for this human interaction.

“Oh, I'm sorry.” Belle gave him a sheepish look and bit her lower lip. Gold began to close the door when the woman spoke up once again, thrusting the basket in front of her.

“Wait, don't forget your muffins!”

Gold sighed angrily and pulled back the wooden door frame, quickly grabbing the basket from her outstretched hands. He was too tired to argue back. When she didn't immediately release the basket into Mr.Golds hands he glanced up at her face and noticed her staring at something directly behind his head. When Gold realized what she was staring at, he once again cursed under his breath. He had opened the door too wide this time and his new neighbor had caught a glimpse of the noose hanging from the rafters of his living room ceiling.

Fuck.

Gold turned back around and raised his eyebrows at Belle, daring the woman to say something. Belle returned his gaze and shifted from one foot to the other, her hand still grasping the handle of the basket next to Gold’s. She was nervous, _good because she should be,_  he thought. He could see the wheels turning behind those blue eyes of hers and he wondered why he didn't just let go of the basket and slam the door in her face like he had originally intended. That's what he would have done a few years ago.

“Would you like to grab a cup of tea with me?” the woman asked suddenly and Gold had to actively stop himself from gaping at her.

She seemed like a sweet young woman and Gold half expected her to take one look at the noose and hand him over a number for a suicide hotline or better yet tried to direct him to the nearest parish in the hopes of trying to save his blackened soul. Instead she decided to be like all the rest of the God-forsaken town and take pity on him.

“I don't quite feel like a sympathy cuppa at the moment.” Gold bristled agitatedly.

Instead of apologizing profusely and stepping off his porch like that school teacher Mary Margaret Blanchard had done six months ago when she tried to ‘reach out’ to him, this woman – this Belle – raised a single eyebrow and folded her arms across her chest, effectively handing over the blasted muffin basket off to Gold.

“Well I would offer to buy you a stronger drink, but it would appear you started without me.” she replied sarcastically.

Mr.Gold blinked at the woman’s brashness. This was not the response he expected and he found himself actually smiling a bit for the first time in a long while. Gold licked his lips in thought and then studied the woman.

“Do you think it’s wise to jest with someone that’s suicidal?” He responded and felt a sinister smugness grow within him at the sudden look of shame that came across Belle’s face. Her eyes then flicked down at Mr.Gold’s smug smile, back up to his eyes and pursed her lips - that shame dissipating slightly.

“I would say you don’t look too bothered...” Her features softened then and she appeared to be mulling something over in her mind.

Curious as to what this strange woman would do next, Gold remained where he was and waited for her to continue. He was surprised when Belle pushed past him and into his front foyer, removing her blue jacket and hanging it up on the coat rack as if she did so every day. Mr.Gold gaped at her for a moment and watched as she casually crossed into his kitchen and began sorting through his cupboards, blatantly ignoring the ominous noose hanging from the rafters in his living room.

When she began filling his kettle with water, Gold realized that she was making the offered tea. He mutely closed the front door and slowly inched his way into his kitchen in a complete daze. 

“What are you doing?” he asked dumbly as he stood awkwardly at the threshold of his kitchen. Belle didn't turn around but continued to search his cupboards, finally finding the tea and letting out a sound of triumph. She then proceeded to scoop the loose leaf tea into a teapot and placed two cups on the counter. Gold cleared his throat in agitation and dropped the basket of muffins on the kitchen table before turning back to the woman busily pouring hot water into the white and blue tea pot.

“I said, what are you doing?” Gold asked again, this time with a bit more bite.

Belle glanced up from the teapot in her hands and gave Gold a small smile.

“I’m making tea. Things never seem quite as bleak after a cup of tea…” she said while pouring the black tea into two cups followed by a single drop of milk in each and a cube of sugar, not even asking Gold how he liked his tea. Not that he wanted tea at that moment anyway.

“You are on private property young lady. I  _will_  call the police.” Gold threatened, feeling indignation rising in his chest. He hadn't felt something this strongly in a long while. Gold immediately thought about his threat and realized that sheriff Humbert in his house would only make things more difficult. He would see the noose and then would want to question Gold about it. Perhaps they would even force him to seek help from Dr.Hopper. Gold could not have that and the infuriating woman before him appeared to be thinking the same thing, for she smiled smugly up at him, leaning with her elbows on his counter and blew onto the hot tea to cool it down a bit.

“Alright then.” She said brightly before taking a small sip from the cup. She made a noise of pleasure and came around from behind the counter and plopped down on one of the barstools facing him. Gold ground his teeth and began to fiddle with the gold tip of his handle. He felt like hitting something with it and he contemplated taking that tea set and throwing it against the wall but decided against it. It wasn’t worth the effort.  

“Do you want to talk about it?” the woman asked gently this time and Gold felt himself snarl at her.

“I don't see how it is any of your concern.” He mumbled. Belle nodded her head slowly and hummed as she took another sip from the tea.

“You have a very beautiful house, and a I saw a nice car in the driveway…”

She was fishing for a reason for his suicidal tendencies and Gold could only glare at her halfheartedly as he finally moved from his spot and walked behind the kitchen counter. He needed to do something but he wasn't sure what. Looking down onto the counter he thought about drinking the tea, it would give him something to do with his hands at least. Gold looked up and saw that Belle had spun around on the stool and was watching him critically.

“Are you sick?” she asked with uncertainty and tilted her head. “some sort of degenerative disease?”

Gold couldn't take her probing anymore and pointed to the front door, “Just go.”

“No.” Belle replied firmly. Gold gave her another glare and once again pinched the bridge of his nose, he had a headache now and this woman was not helping.

“And why not?”

“You _know_ why.” She scoffed in reply.

Gold looked at the rope hanging from behind her head and he sighed internally then returned Belle’s stare. Who was this odd woman and how was it that she was still sitting in his kitchen? And why did she care if he lived or not? Belle seemed to be able to read his mind and she placed her cup on the counter and leaned once again on her elbows.

“I cant leave you now. Not now that I know you plan on offing yourself, how could I live with myself afterwards knowing I didn't at least try.”

Gold leaned in close and narrowed his eyes and bared his teeth in a feral snarl. “Why do you care?” he hissed.

Belle was unperturbed and smirked slightly, fiddling with the handle of her cup as she did.

“Maybe Im your guardian angel?” she teased before once again growing sombre. " Or maybe I just care because you are a human being, and all human beings need someone to care for them. Especially the ones who try and frighten friendly neighbors away with glares and growls.”

 _Infuriating woman_.

Gold placed the tip of his tongue on the edges of his teeth and contemplated what he planned on saying next.

“How about I make you a deal.” He said finally. The edges of his mouth twitched slightly upwards when he noted the look of curiosity blossom on the woman’s face.

“A deal?” she clarified. Gold nodded slowly, he needed to get rid of this woman.

“If you go home and leave me in peace, I promise I wont kill myself today.”

“Today...” The woman emphasized, catching the slight loophole in Gold’s wording.

“It’s the best I can do for my _friendly_ neighbor.” Gold replied dryly and straightening up. He could see a small frown form between Belle’s brows but it smoothed out when she stood from her spot.

“How do I know I can trust you to keep your word?” she asked skeptically.

“I never break a deal, Dearie. Everybody has to have a code after all. Even those who try to frighten neighbors with glares and growls.” He shot back, surprised when Belle laughed at his small joke.

“Fine. You have yourself a deal, Mr?” she held out her hand and waited for him to grasp it in his own. He raised his eyebrows in surprise, he never actually gave her his name did he?

“Gold.  Mr.Gold.”

“And does Mr.Gold have a first name,” she queried shaking his hand firmly. He decided he liked her handshake, it was confident and not soft like so many people now a days.

“Sorry Dearie, but all you get is Mr.Gold. Now get out” he answered briskly, walking down the hall and opening the front door. Belle downed the rest of her tea and joined him at the door, grabbing her coat on the way and dangling it over her arm. She stood face to face with him for a bit, evaluating him. He felt a nervous flutter in the pit of his stomach under her scrutiny which dissipated when she slowly smiled.

“Well, Mr.Gold. It has been a pleasure doing business with you. See you tomorrow!” she sang as she skipped down his front steps.

“Tomorrow?” he called to her in surprise. Belle simply waved back at him in response and walked over to the neighboring house and let herself inside.

Gold let out a sound of displeasure before shutting the door behind him. When he entered the kitchen he glared down at the basket of muffins and the two cups on the counter, one empty and the other still full with now cold tea. The noose still waited for him in the living room and with a sigh Gold walked over to it and stared until finally pulling out his step ladder and slowly untying it.

Today’s plans might have been ruined, but there was always tomorrow. Gold frowned and glanced out the window at the white duplex next door. Tomorrow. She had said she would see him tomorrow.

Gold wiped a hand over his tired face and felt his stomach grumble. Once again he glanced at the basket of muffins and debated on eating one. He recalled loving muffins once, but that time seemed so far away at that moment. The thought of eating made his stomach turn and he immediately decided against it. Instead he slowly undid his tie as he made his way up the stairs to the bedroom, pausing as he normally did at the now spare bedroom next to his before finally entering his own room and sinking into the mattress fully clothed, thinking idly about tomorrow, tea and blue eyes until he drifted off into another restless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a side note, I in no way wish to romanticize suicide nor do I want to offend anyone who had ever felt depressed or seriously contemplated the act.  
> I've never had the chance to really think about this sort of thing too deeply before and so this is completely new territory for me to develop. If anyone wishes to contribute to the story, maybe help with the characterization or just wish to unload please feel free to comment below or PM me. I love to get insight on how to better myself and help connect with readers. As Ive said before, comments are my lifeblood!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went on vacation to Poland for a few weeks, but now I'm back and posting chapters! enjoy.

_Something was different_.

Gold slowly opened his eyes and blinked away the sleep and stared at the familiar ceiling. The bedroom still looked the same; the same bare white walls, the same dark mahogany furniture and drawn curtains only allowing an inch of the morning sun into his room. Gold sighed as he ran a hand down his face, rubbing his eyes aggressively to better awaken him.

He glanced over at the alarm clock next to the bed and cursed at the time. This was the first time in a while he slept in; the red numbers blaring _10:03_. He must not have set the alarm. The memories of the previous night flashed through his eyes and he frowned. Not only had that damned woman ruined his plans, but showing up unannounced had also completely ruined his routine.

When Gold sat up in his bed, his head pounded hard and the room spun. Groaning he rubbed his temples heavily and slowly stood, wincing at the shooting pain from his bad leg, the effects of the scotch taking its toll on his aged body.

Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was different but he couldn’t quite place it. It was then that he heard the clang from downstairs. Gold looked to his side table where his revolver lay in wait and contemplated taking it with him in case he was being robbed before deciding that it didn’t really matter, let them rob him. Maybe he would be lucky and the burglar was armed and would shoot him dead. That would save him the effort of killing himself.

Gold was still in his dress shirt and pants from the previous night, his tie and suit jacket thrown carelessly on a nearby chair and Gold stared down at the lightly rumpled suit deciding that if he were to die it would be well dressed. As quick as his headache and bad leg allowed him, Gold swiftly replaced his wrinkled suit with a clean one from the meticulously kept closet, forgoing the gold cufflinks for the time being. Once he was presentable, Gold left his dark bedroom and moved slowly down the hall to the stairs where he could hear more sounds coming from the main floor. Was that music he heard? Gold frowned as he slowly moved down the stairs and into the foyer. He blinked in shock when his eyes landed on that blasted woman from next door moving around his kitchen as if she owned it. Again.

Gold rubbed his eyes and prayed that this was all just some nightmare and any minute he would hear the sound of his alarm clock somewhere outside his subconscious, pulling him from his sleep. But it wasn’t a dream and Belle was in his kitchen, humming along to some upbeat music which made Gold wrinkle his nose in disgust.

“How the hell did you get in here?” Gold growled when he finally entered the kitchen. The irritating woman glanced up from her place at the stove and gave him a brilliant smile.

“Good morning sleepyhead! I’m making pancakes.” She said while quickly showing him a skillet with two puddles of pancake mix.

Gold stared at her flabbergasted before narrowing his eyes and gesturing his cane at her threateningly.

“Did you break into my house?”

Belle looked back at him with a scolding frown, replacing the skillet onto the gas burner.

“Of course not. Your accountant let me in.” she said before flipping a pancake.

Gold blinked at her rapidly with his mouth slightly ajar. Belle smirked at him and continued. “You know, your accountant, Dove. Big man with a suit and had a spare key, though it really wasn’t necessary because you forgot to lock the door.  You know, anyone could have come in here. Whatever were you thinking?” She smiled mischievously and flipped the second pancake.

Of course Dove would have let the mad woman in. Gold looked around for the traitor, assuming the coward was hiding somewhere.

“He’s not here, he left about fifteen minutes ago.” Belle said, appearing to be able to read his mind.

Coward couldn’t even stay long enough to face him. Gold watched wearily as Belle gingerly plated the pancakes and then poured a generous amount of maple syrup onto the plate  along with a second plate that waited next to it. This was then followed by a dollop of whip cream and some strawberry jam. She didn’t ask Gold how he liked his pancakes but simply went ahead with a smile and piling up the sweet toppings.  Once completed, Belle placed a plate in front of Gold, and then walked around the kitchen island to place a second plate next to his and sat down on the stool.

Gold glared down at the offered dish then glared up at his annoying neighbor.

“I don’t like pancakes.” He said, his mouth straightening into a tight line.

His neighbor looked up at him in disbelief.

“That is absolute rubbish. Everyone likes pancakes, you are just trying to be difficult.” She responded, shoving a fork in his direction to emphasize her point.

Gold scoffed at her and leaned heavily on his cane.

“Well I am not everyone, Dearie.”

Belle raised an eyebrow and frowned at him. _Finally something besides a smile_ , he thought triumphantly.

“You know, normally that word is used as a term of endearment. However coming from you it feels almost like an insult.”

“Hmm you’re quicker than you look.” Gold murmured back, staring down at the plate of pancakes before him.

In truth Gold did like pancakes and anything sweet. His mouth betrayed him as he felt himself begin to salivate at the food, watching the golden syrup thickly roll off the top of the fluffy brown pancake and pooling around the perimeter of the white plate. Stubbornly Gold turned away from the plate of food and instead headed for the coffee maker to brew a cup of black coffee that he always had in lieu of breakfast.

Neal had always chastised Gold’s eating habits, insisting that just a cup of coffee in the morning was not a good enough start to the day.

_“You do know that coffee isn’t a food group right? It’s a wonder how you’re still around living off coffee beans and good intentions…”_

Gold blinked away the memory of his son and stared at the coffee pot which had nearly finished brewing. He glanced over at the woman sitting at the counter in Neal’s usual spot, an ache slowly forming under his ribcage, the same ache that plagued him whenever he thought of his son.

“Do have an actual job, Mr.Gold? Or are you merely a professional gentleman - which would be delightfully very Jane Austen of you I must say.”

Belle’s light voice broke through the solemn cloud that hovered around Gold at that moment and he sent over another glare, only to receive a sly smile in return.

“It’s rent day.” He replied matter of factly, and taking a sip from his black coffee. He winced at the bitterness as it burned down his throat, then watched as Belle took another bite of the sweet pancake, this time with a strawberry shoved on the end and placed it in her mouth. She gave Gold a once over and he found himself feeling a bit flushed under her scrutiny. It bothered him how comfortable she was in his house, how could anyone be comfortable in his private space besides himself?

“So, you wait around all day dressed in a suit just to give the landlord some money? Is he a part of the Mafia or something?” Belle asked with a look of confusion before shoveling the last of her pancake in her mouth.

“No Dearie, _I’m_ the landlord.” He replied by way of explanation before glancing at the clock. Nearly 11 am and this woman was still perched in his kitchen. “do you not have some sort of job yourself? Or is pestering neighbors your job.”

Belle let out a light laugh and stood up with her now empty plate and coming around the kitchen island. Gold stepped aside to allow her to place the plate in the sink.

“I’m a Librarian. I work at the public Library.” She said as she leaned casually onto the edge of the sink facing Gold, one ankle crossed over the other.

Gold narrowed his eyes at the woman. Storybrooke Public Library hasn’t been opened since Neal was 12. He remembered the day his son burst through the doors of his shop, exclaiming that the Mayor was shutting down the Library.

_‘Cant you do something about it Papa?’ he had asked, the boy thinking that Gold had a lot more pull in town than he actually did at the time. Gold had smiled sadly and ruffled the boys dark curls._

_‘It costs more for upkeep than it’s worth. And besides, I’m pretty sure you are the only person in the whole town who actually spends time there.’ Neal had let out a sad sigh and hung his head in defeat._

_‘I guess there’s always the school library…’ Neal had decided out loud._

“Storybrooke doesn’t have a Library.” Gold snapped once the memory dissipated and he was once again face to face with the intruding Miss Belle.

“Of course it does. Grand opening is Monday. I was hired specifically to be the librarian, oversee the reconstruction and organize the grand opening. There are posters and banners placed all around the town. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.” She replied with a small laugh.

Gold pursed his lips and furrowed his brow slightly, trying to remember if he had seen advertisements. He would have noticed something like that he thought, afterall Neal had loved the library, and it would have been something he would have loved to have helped bring back. But the past year was a blur of colours to Gold, slowly fading into deep shades of blurry grey within the last few months. Life had lost its taste and its colour for him, so it was possible he completely missed out on the life still bustling around him.

When he looked back up, he found Belle watching him carefully, her wistful smile replaced with a concerned gaze and Gold realized that he had been drifting away in his thoughts again.

“I was nervous you know,” She said quietly, “this morning before Dove let me in.” She shifted in her spot and chewed on her bottom lip. “I wasn’t sure what I would be walking into, If you were…” she trailed off and let out a nervous laugh.

Gold calmly watched her as she cleared her throat and straightened a bit, the sunlight through the kitchen window lighting up behind her head and glowing softly behind her, bringing out the shades of red in her hair. He vaguely remembered a time when he liked that colour and something lifted ever so slightly within him, and settling warmly within his soul.

“I see you removed the rope.” She said with a smile before her face shaded a bit with embarrassed red as she glanced awkwardly away from him.

 Gold let out a short exhale, the closest thing to a chuckle that he could manage at her awkward attempts. Without missing a beat Gold shrugged and looked up at the empty wooden rafters.

“I decided that strangulation may not be the best way afterall. A gun could be much swifter.”

Belle paled and her jaw dropped ever so slightly in surprise. Gold’s mouth twitched upwards slightly and he leaned in just a bit,

“Just a quip Dearie. I’m not serious.”

Belle merely pursed her lips and crossed her arms.

“That’s not funny.”  She said with a firm shake of her head, though he could see just a twinkle of amusement in her eyes and Gold felt a small bit of triumph at that.

“I made you a deal. As I told you before, I am not a man who breaks his deals.” He replied before taking another sip of his coffee.

“Well I do love a man with a code…” she said, her smile slowly returning. Gold felt himself blush slightly at the remark (though he couldn’t imagine why) and lowered his cup in surprise as Belle pushed off from the sink and slowly moved toward him, the glowing sun lighting up her whole person from behind. She reached out and Gold swallowed before realizing that Belle had taken his cup of coffee out of his hands and placed the cup to her own mouth and drinking his coffee before sauntering past him, coffee in hand.

The nerve of this woman!

“That’s my coffee.” He said as she cradled the cup in her hands and sank down into the cushions of his living room armchair.

“You haven’t had your breakfast yet, and I need this coffee more than you do. I am not the one who slept in today.” She said before taking another long sip.

Gold merely gaped at her before moving around the counter and slowly lowering himself onto the stool before the almost cold plate of pancakes. He stared down at it and felt his stomach lurch at the prospect of eating.

“I don’t usually eat breakfast.” Gold stated sullenly as he glared down at the plate.

“Well coffee isn’t a food group, Gold. You can’t live off just coffee and glares, now can you?” She said from her seat and Gold felt a shiver run down his spine at the familiar admonishment as he looked over to her.

She had settled comfortably onto the soft armchair, legs dangling over the armrest nearest him, coffee in one hand and one of his forgotten books opened in the other. She looked as if she belonged there and for a single moment that didn’t seem to bother him. But of course that moment passed as quickly as it came and Gold growled deep in his throat before turning back to the plate of pancakes and shoving a forkful of the golden dough into his mouth, the beast of Storybrooke losing this battle. He sighed quietly as he tasted the sweet food, not tasting like ash as most foods had begun to taste. He really did love pancakes...


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: frank thoughts regarding suicide ahead.

It was nearly an antique of course and Gold knew almost the entire history and detail of it. He knew that it had about 90% of its original finish, was made in Germany and was only fired a total of five times in its long lifetime.  Indeed, it was a beautiful specimen, the compact size and the fact that he felt like James Bond the first time he picked it up was what drew Gold to purchasing the gun in the first place.

Gold stared at his Walther PPK which sat, fully loaded, upon his night stand, daring him to pick it up. Lifting the gun up, he let the weight settle into the palm of his hand and he sat there just holding it for a moment. He idly wondered if placing the gun against his temple was a better option than putting the barrel into his mouth. Experimentally, Gold lifted the gun and opened his mouth to see if it felt like the right thing to do – No matter what, he knew it would be a messy job and he briefly scowled at the white bedsheets laying behind him.

Moira would never be able to get those stains out. Plus, cleaning brain matter off the wall just sounded like a horrible chore. He removed the gun from his mouth and glanced at the bathroom door, thinking about how much easier it would be for them to clean the tile rather than the wall. Head wounds bled a lot more than regular wounds did afterall.

The shrill ringing of his house phone had Gold sighing in frustration. It had to be that damned neighbour calling, and Gold felt himself clenching his jaw in frustration. He replaced his gun on top of the night stand and limped out of his bedroom and down the stairs to where the phone sat in his kitchen.

He hoped that by the time he made it downstairs the caller (probably that damned _Belle_ woman) would have given up, but to his disappointment, but not surprisingly, it did not. With another sigh he picked up the phone, and brought it to his ear.

“Look Dearie, I don’t know how you got this number, but if this is about breakfast yesterday, then like I said before…”

“Gold?”

Gold closed his eyes in embarrassment when he heard Emma’s voice on the other side and not the voice of his neighbour as he had thought.

“Emma, sorry, I thought you were somebody else.”

“I didn’t realize you were expecting another call…” Emma began, her voice coloured with confusion and Gold grimaced into the phone and tried to release a casual chuckle which turned into more of a cough than a laugh.

“Oh no, no. I just… I didn’t expect a call from you today” Gold sighed and tried to smile even though he knew his son’s widow would not be able to see it. Even if she were to see his attempts at portraying normalcy, Emma always had a knack at sniffing out a lie, something Gold both loathed an admired in the woman.

“Well I tried calling yesterday, like I normally do on Friday, but you weren't at your shop and you weren't home…”

“Rent day.” Gold supplied before leaning against the door frame of the kitchen to alleviate the pain in his knee.

Emma let out a sound of understanding before letting out a short laugh,

“Right, of course." She paused, "shouldn't you be at the shop today?”

Gold ‘s eyes darted up at the ceiling to where on the other floor lay his handgun in wait before opening his mouth to try and come up with a believable lie. How could he tell his Daughter-in-law that he took the afternoon off because he planned on shooting himself with a handgun he barely knew how to use in the first place. Perhaps he should start by telling her that his first idea was to hang himself, but that went up in flames the minute a certain blue eyed brunette decided to intervene with muffins.

“I decided to have lunch at the house today.” He lied, holding his breath and waiting for the very perceptive Emma to call him out on his bullshit. But instead all he heard was an ‘Ah’ of seeming understanding before she continued on.

“So, who were you having breakfast with?” Emma asked instead of interrogate him, and Gold almost wished she _had_ called him out on his lie. 

“Nobody. Well, my neighbor. But she’s not important…”

“ _She?”_ Emma said, and Gold could hear the surprise in her voice.

“Aye.” He sighed, “Belle…" _damn what was her last name? "_ well I didn't catch her last name. She moved in next door and basically broke into my house…”

“Belle? You mean the new Librarian?” Emma replied, taking Gold off guard.

“How the hell did you know she was the new librarian?” Gold asked in bewilderment.

Emma and Henry lived all the way in Boston, so there was absolutely no way they would have known about the goings on in Storybrooke.

“Regina told me.”

Gold narrowed his eyes in confusion. “You were speaking with Regina recently?”

“She was at Henry’s birthday remember?" she replied slowly, "Told us about the new library and the wing that’s to be built in Neal’s memory? Were coming up for the opening?” Emma continued, “You were right there.”

Gold closed his eyes and sighed. Of course, Henry’s birthday. Gold slowly began to remember his Grandson’s birthday party a few months back, though if he recalled he barely focused on the conversation at all and instead found himself staring at the boy who reminded him painfully of his own son. 

“Hey, you still there?” Emma’s voice made Gold blink and he rubbed his chin absently as he nodded. He was beginning to worry about his mental state. Perhaps he did have a degenerative disease…

“Yes sorry, I guess I just forgot.” He lied again. He could almost feel Emma’s disbelief over the phone, but as usual she decided not to meddle and once more Gold was thankful that he ended up with Emma for a daughter-in-law and not some nosy busybody.

There was a pause on the other end of the line and Gold thought that perhaps the line was disconnected, but then Emma sighed,

“You know, we still have that spare bedroom in the apartment, if you would rather you know…” Emma said, almost a bit shyly and Gold found himself genuinely smiling. Emma was always more reserved than most people and tended to keep a conservative distance, but her heart was always in the right place.

“As I said before Dear, I’m perfectly happy staying here.”

“You sure? That house is pretty big for just one man. And Henry would love to be able to see his Grandfather more often…”

“Emma, I'm fine.” Gold insisted. _Liar_ his inner voice hissed to him. He could tell that Emma didn't quite believe him, but he knew that she wouldn't push.

“Alright. Well, anyway. I just wanted to call to let you know that Henry and I will be coming down Monday for the opening. And don’t worry about picking us up at the airport, Regina said she’d drive us to the Library for the dedication. I assume we’ll be meeting you there?”

Gold licked his lips and laughed at his luck. There was no way he wanted Emma to be the one to find his body, and he most definitely did not want Henry to be there to see it.

Now he _had_ to go to the Grand Opening.

 _Belle will never let this down._ He thought idly before forcing one more smile onto his face.

“Of course, I’ll be there waiting.”

“Sounds good.” Emma said briskly before clearing her throat. He could tell she wanted to ask him something else and Gold held his breath awaiting the question, but of course it never came.

“Well, Ill see you Monday then.” She said haltingly.

“Monday it is.” Gold replied before hanging up the phone. Once more Gold glanced up at the ceiling, thinking about the gun on the night stand before sighing angrily. It would have to wait, again.

 

Gold left the house and headed back to his shop, deciding to finish off the Saturday as he normally would, rather than doing as he had planned to do.

When Gold turned the corner he grimaced, spotting Belle walking down the sidewalk toward him. He tried to walk as briskly as he could in an attempt to avoid the woman, pulling out his keys and unlocking the door to the shop swiftly, but she had already spotted him a few feet away, her face breaking out into one of her brilliant smiles. He tried his best to appear disinterested in her as he pocketed his keys and turned to return her smile with a scowl of his own, his cane planted firmly on the ground. If he was to get her to stop pestering him, then he would need to do it now.

“Well, hello there.” She sang stopping just a few steps in front of him.

“Hello, Miss… Belle.” Gold replied with a frown. _Damn_ He really needed to learn her last name. _I should have asked Emma…_  

Belle smirked at him and clasped her hands behind her back.

“Im certainly glad to see you decided to remain with the living.” She said brightly, her bluntness almost breaking Gold’s cool façade. He narrowed his eyes at her and found himself fighting a grin.

“Well its only 2pm, there are still plenty of hours left in the day.”

Belle made an unimpressed noise in the back of her throat and looked at him disapprovingly, though he still noted the slight amusement in her eyes. Perhaps she didn't really think he would do it?

“Decided to get some fresh air?” Belle said, changing the subject altogether. Gold nearly felt disappointed that their little back and fourth ended, though a part of him was glad that they wouldn't be getting into the topic of his impending suicide on the street.

“Going back to work.” He replied peevishly before noticing for the first time Belle’s short skirt and impossibly high heels. It was still early spring, how was it that she wasn't freezing? Belle crinkled her nose in confusion and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Yesterday was rent day, was it not?”

Gold rolled his eyes and sighed before nodding at the Pawnshop. Belle looked at the shop, then took a step back and looked up at the old sign hanging over the sidewalk.

“ _Mr.Gold’s Pawnshop.”_ She read aloud before turning back to Gold, understanding written all over her face.

“You’re _the_ Mr.Gold.” she said with a teasing smile before biting her bottom lip in thought. “So not only do you own houses in Storybrooke, but you own the Pawnshop as well…” it wasn't really a question and so Gold let Belle think for a while before she turned and pulled open the door to his shop and stepped in.

He knew that this would happen, and yet Gold still found himself nearly groaning out loud and following the smaller woman into his workplace reluctantly.

Belle had stopped just short of the entrance and Gold had to sidestep so as to not bump into her. He felt nervous for some reason and he watched Belle as she surveyed his darkened shop with something close to surprise on her face.

“This isn’t what I expected at all.” She said, her jaw slightly adjar.

She hated it, he knew it. Gold felt himself feeling suddenly very defensive. Sure he didn’t really make much money off the shop, but it wasn’t meant to be an overly successful business. Antiques were a hobby of his- fixing and tinkering and looking up the history of items something he had absolutely loved doing since he was younger.

After his first divorce, he retired from law to Storybrooke and decided to spend most of his days doing what he loved, his Real Estate endeavors making up the most of his wealth anyway. Neal had also loved the place and spent many summers hauled up in the back of the shop helping him fix clocks and sometimes even just reading quietly on the cot in the workroom.

Gold opened his mouth to defend his choice of hobby when Belle let out a delighted laugh and smiled up at him.

“This is not what I expected at all when the sign said pawn shop, its so much better…”

Gold gaped at Belle as she immediately took a tour around the shop, gazing into each glass case and delicately touching the glass unicorn mobile which hung near the register.

“Is this a copper Samovar?” Belle asked with a smile, pointing to the shining orange water boiler set up near the rest of the tea collections. Gold let out an impressed sound and finally made his way toward the back of the store to where Belle was examining the pot.

“It is indeed.”

“Is it Russian?” Belle asked and Gold regarded her for  a moment, trying to decipher if she was actually interested or not. When she turned and looked expectantly at him Gold cleared his throat and returned his gaze to the samovar.

“Danish I believe. Rococo style.” He lifted the lid of the samovar and showed Belle the small card where he wrote the origin and small history on the item in black ink. She let out a low whistle when she saw the price and grinned at him.

“You deal in high end Antiques, Mr.Gold.” she stated before moving onto the next counter. She next picked up a giltwood object and turned it curiously in her hands. Gold felt himself smile a bit at her confused look and he reached over to take the object from her.

“It’s a pocket watch stand.” He said with a smirk, placing the stand on the table and moving around to the back of the glass cabinet to pull out a collection of watches. He retrieved a worn but still ticking pocket watch and placed it into the slot in the center to show Belle how it worked.

She laughed and shook her head, looking back up to him.

“A pocket watch stand? Is that really a necessary item?”

Gold found himself laughing with her and he shrugged his shoulders slightly, placing both the watch and the stand back to their places.

“Its worth around 900 dollars.” He replied, secretly delighting in the look of shock that crossed Belle’s face.

For a while all Gold did was watch Belle move around his space, laughing at a few of the oddities he had collected and gasping over the several beautiful keepsakes he kept.

“Is this where you keep all the really rare and _dangerous_ items?” Belle teased, nodding over to the velvet curtain that separated the shop from his workroom.

“That would be my workroom. No customers allowed back there…” he replied, but Belle completely ignored him and pulled back the curtain to step into his workroom. Gold suppressed a groan and an eye roll as he quickly followed his very nosy neighbour into his private workspace.

“Really Miss… Belle. Did you not hear me say no customers allowed?”

“I'm hardly a customer Gold. And besides, you’re here and can supervise me.” Belle laughed before walking confidently over to where a shelf of broken clocks and unsellable nick nacks sat. Gold silently fumed and followed Belle, his cane thumping against the floor in protest.

“So why antiques?” she said, turning around to face him. He stopped just a few feet away from Belle and leaned on his cane, glaring at her. First she barges into his house, twice. Now she invaded his private workspace.

“Why do you constantly invade my space?” He countered with a sneer.

She smirked and crossed her arms over her chest, her thumb tapping pensively against her inner elbow. Gold sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I just like antiques.” He replied reluctantly before shrugging his shoulders.

“It’s a hobby job?” she clarified.

“Of course it’s a hobby job. Who in Storybrooke would actually come in a purchase a 900 dollar pocket watch holder?” Gold replied sarcastically which earned him a chuckle. When Belle stopped laughing, she regarded him for a bit, her tongue darting out to gently wet her lower lip in thought.

Gold’s eyes darted down to the movement and he found himself slowly drifting his gaze lower to where Belle’s skirt hit her upper thighs, showing off legs that looked very long in her very high heels. He felt himself grow hot with shame when his mind wandered to an inappropriate place and he wondered briefly what was wrong with him. Not two hours ago he was trying to decide where in his house would be the best place to shoot himself and now he was thinking about what his infuriating and impertinent neighbour looked like naked.

“Have dinner with me.”

Belle’s voice made Gold blink back to the present and he felt himself gaping a bit once more.

“What?” he asked sharply, his eyes narrowing slightly. The corner of Belle’s mouth twitched upward for a brief moment and she uncrossed her arms and rested her hands upon the worktable behind her and leaning back.

“Have dinner with me.” She replied, her eyes staring unwavering into his own.

Gold found himself clenching his jaw in disapproval. “I don’t want your pity.” He spat and Belle actually laughed, making Gold bristle even more.

“Pity the man in the Armani suit? Your kidding right?” she laughed, slightly pulling herself upwards so that she was now sitting on his worktable, her long legs tangling elegantly off the edge.

“It’s a Kiton suit, actually.” He said throwing a glare at her direction.

“Doesn’t matter, it’s still expensive.” She shot back. Gold had to suppress a smile and instead conceded to her logic.

“Alright.” He said slowly before moving forward so that he was standing before Belle. “Why do you want to have dinner with me?”

Her blue eyes scanned his brown and her thumb tapped against the wood worktable as she thought about what she was going to say. Gold waited patiently while trying not to look down at the skirt which had inched higher up her thigh.

He admitted reluctantly to himself that at one time Belle would most definitely had been his type with her dark hair and quick wit. She even appeared to know a little bit about his own personal hobby and that was definitely a rare find. However, no woman, no matter how attractive, would ever be able to replace the son that he lost and Gold felt the familiar pain of that feeling tugging away in his chest and constricting his heart.

“Gold?”

Gold blinked and focused on the woman in front of him who was now frowning. Clearly he had been drifting off again.

“Sorry, you were saying?” Gold replied, clearing his throat anxiously.

Belle frowned and pursed her lips.

“You know if you keep doing that you’ll miss it.”

Gold looked at her in confusion, “Miss what?” he asked.

“Life.” She replied simply, her eyes growing sad just a little bit. Her face softened and she leaned forward and Gold found himself holding his breath momentarily.  

“Have dinner with me Gold.” She said once again, and this time Gold was the one to chuckle a bit.

“We just had breakfast, why would I want dinner?”

“We could have lunch instead…” she said with a wink and Gold leaned back and thought for a moment.

“First tell me why you want to have dinner with me.” He asked again, this time determined to keep his thoughts away from Neal.

“Many reasons.” She began and Gold raised his eyebrows and signalled for her to continue. She bit her lower lip again and began to swing her feet ever so slightly before continuing.

“First, I like you. So far." she teased lightly,"Your interesting and know a lot of interesting things. Second you’re the first friend I made and I intend on furthering that friendship,” she said with a grin before her grin turned a bit nervous, “and third… well. You are a proven man of your word. If you make plans and promise to have dinner with me sometime then well…” she trailed off and Gold finally understood her way of thinking.

_Except that I already made a promise to my son…_

“Alright.” Gold conceded quietly, his heart skipping a little when Belle’s face began to brighten up again,  “Let’s have dinner.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any prompts for this verse? send me a message or leave a comment below!


	5. Chapter 5

The little white duplex on the corner of Pine and Hawthorne lane was not the sort of place that stood out. It was pleasant enough Gold supposed, with a tidy yard and unassuming front porch that reached from one side of the duplex to the other. It was a perfectly symmetrical house with two doors on either side of each other, complete with a single large window next to it, and two matching windows above on the second floor.

Gold made his way up the poured concrete steps and stood before the two doors, frowning at the nameplates above two identical doorbells. Gold congratulated himself on making it this far, but now he was at a loss as to which doorbell to ring.

 Above option number one was placed the single name of ‘French’ handwritten in a loopy cursive. Above option number two was the name ‘Hummel’ also handwritten, though the cursive was a bit shaky at best. Gold looked from one name tag to the other while tapping his thumb against the gold handle of his cane in thought as he weighed his options. He didn’t really want to be standing for much longer on the front porch of his neighbors’ house as the spring chill was beginning to settle into the bones of his bad leg.

With a careless shrug, Gold decided upon option number one, pressing firmly against the doorbell with the end of his cane and hearing the happy chime of the bell as it rang through the left side of the house. He could see a flurry of movement through the white curtain covering the simple glass door and Gold’s heart began to race nervously as he prayed he made the right decision and would not be making a complete ass of himself…

“Hello!” Belle’s voice sang as the door began to open, once again sounding like she was greeting an old friend. When the door was completely open Belle looked up at Gold and let out a surprised sound and she smiled happily at him, though it was shaded with astonishment at finding Gold standing on her porch.

“Mr. Gold! I wasn’t expecting you…”

Gold gave her a thin smile and leaned forward on his cane,

“You said you wanted to have dinner with me, so here I am.”

Belle’s mouth gaped slightly and she let out a slightly flustered laugh before leaning casually against her door-frame, “That was only yesterday.”

Gold shrugged his shoulders and leaned away, “You never actually specified when, just that you wanted dinner. Unless of course you would rather renege on our plans?” he baited with a wolfish smile. Belle narrowed her eyes and smirked.

“Wouldn't dream of it, Mr. Gold.”

Gold’s apprehension from earlier fizzled away with Belle’s cheeky smile and deciding to break out of his comfort zone even further he brushed past her and into the foyer of her portion of the duplex before she could show him in herself.

 _Oh how the tables have turned_.

It was a cozy space, though not as spacious as his own front foyer. It none the less was bright and cheery and completely opposite to his own dark and dreary space. He noticed that Belle still had a lot of unpacking to do, what with the boxes of books lining the narrow hallway leading to a kitchen that was clearly in the process of being remodeled.

“Renovating already, Miss. French?” he grinned, delighted at finally knowing Belle’s surname. Belle laughed as she shut the door behind Gold and started up her staircase,

“After seeing your kitchen I realized that I had to step up my game.” She called back, “Just make yourself at home, I wasn’t expecting to go out tonight, so I’ll just change first, alright?”

Gold bowed his head in agreement and Belle grinned back at him before skipping up her steps two at a time.

Looking around Gold decided that it was probably best if he stayed within the safety of the foyer lest he trip on the various books and boxes that coated the house in what he hoped was an organized chaos, seeing as her profession did call for a certain level of organization.

Gold leaned forward and inspected the nearest open box and unsurprisingly found it was full of books. In fact the first six boxes within the vicinity were filled with books and he wondered idly if she owned anything besides books.

The sound of Belle’s footsteps on the stair had Gold straightening and looking upwards to where she was skipping down, already wearing a long coat and very high heels, her curls neatly brushed and flatteringly pulled away from her face.

“So, what’s for dinner?” she asked with a smile as she stepped onto the landing and bounced on the tips of her toes. For a brief moment Gold thought that perhaps Belle actually was looking forward to having dinner with him, the way her blue eyes looked happily up at him and how she leaned forward just close enough that he could feel the heat radiating off her. However that delusion quickly faded and he sighed inwardly at the obvious conclusion he came to: Belle suffered from a Hero complex and this was just her playing at being the hero.

These thoughts sobered him immensely and he pulled back into himself and quirked his mouth into a semblance of a smile.

“All in good time, now shall we?” Gold turned and pulled open the door for Belle, and allowing her to step by him, the sudden scent of vanilla and something else very sweet following in her wake. He decided he liked the smell and an inappropriate part of him wondered if she tasted like vanilla as well. Cursing himself discretely for his ungentlemanly thoughts Gold bustled down the stairs. When the two of them reached the sidewalk, Belle instinctively heading to the direction of Gold’s Cadillac parked in front of his house’s garage, but Gold’s reflexes were quick and he reached out to pull Belle back in the opposite direction.

Belle gave him a curious look and Gold felt himself smirking before taking Belle’s hand and tucking it into the crook of his arm,

“I feel like walking, you don’t mind do you?” he asked before heading away from their houses without waiting for an answer.

“No not at all. But where are we going?” she inquired.

“It’s a surprise.” He replied mysteriously and feeling a small smidgen of triumphant at Belle’s little beam of pleasure.

They walked pleasantly together around the block, Gold pointing out a few houses on the way and sharing details of the tenants that lived there currently and salacious stories of previous tenants that made Belle giggle appreciatively before chiding him playfully for being a gossip.

Gold was actually enjoying himself immensely, and he began to actually pay attention to his surroundings, trying to see his familiar neighborhood from Belle’s perspective, the neighborhood where he raised his son. That thought sobered him up again and he felt guilty for enjoying himself so much when his son was no longer there to share in that joy.

“Gold? are you alright? I lost you there for a moment?”

Belle’s voice pulled him away from the darkness again and he licked his lips and laughed breathlessly,

“Just remembering.” He replied softly.

Belle let out a laugh when Gold led Belle across Main Street and up the stairs to Granny’s Diner.

“Well, I never figured you for a Diner sort of man…” she said with a wink as she passed through the door Gold was holding open for her,

“I’m not.” He stated with a grin, “However the only other place in town that serves half decent food would be the Rabbit Hole and frankly I much prefer Granny’s cheap lasagna over the smell of cigarettes and bad decisions.”

Belle chuckled at the quip as she shrugged off her jacket and hung it on one of the coat hooks nearby. Belle’s cheerful yellow dress underneath the trench she was wearing gave him pause, the bright colour lighting up the area surrounding Belle, giving her a glow and contrasting with the mellow tones of Granny’s.

“That is by far the brightest shade of Yellow I have ever seen in one dress…” he exclaimed before settling into one of the booths near the back of the diner and away from the more populous areas.

He really hated dining in public, and originally had planned on just bringing Belle over to his place for something more home cooked, however he had been feeling quite ambitious earlier and decided to venture into the world rather than lock himself away in his lifeless house.

“I knew you would like it.” She replied with a wink and scooted into the seat across from Gold.

Early on in the meal, Gold had been apprehensive when it came to holding a solid conversation with the woman across from him. He had not been good at conversing with in recent months and he was constantly asking himself why he had ever agreed to dinner in the first place. But then Belle would laugh at a sly joke Gold had made and he truly began to allow himself to enjoy the dinner.

“The best way to judge a restaurant on its value is to see how well they make their hamburgers, and I must admit Granny’s does make an amazing burger.” Belle said with a grin as their plates were cleared away and they waited for their dessert and to be brought out.

Gold nodded in agreement before stirring a spoonful of sugar into his black tea. _Granny may have great burgers, but her tea is complete shite,_ he thought to himself before taking a sip from the tepid water Granny called English breakfast tea.

“My ex would disagree, she hated Granny’s burgers. And Granny for that matter.” Gold replied casually. Belle quirked her brow in interest and grinned,

“Ah, so the mystery unravels. Ex girlfriend?” she asked leaning forward in her seat.

“Wife.” Was Gold’s short reply, waiting for the barrage of questions which were nearly inevitable at this point.

“So you were married??” Belle asked while pouring a touch of milk in her own cup of tea and stirring,

“Twice.”

“Widower?” Belle placed her spoon in her mouth to lick off any access tea before placing it upon her napkin. Gold observed the movement almost intently, for some reason feeling fascinated by the small gesture before answering,

“Divored. Both times.” He looked up from the spoon on the table and braced himself for the judgment and pity that would sweep across Belle’s face. Divorced as many times as he was married, the old miser now alone in a big old house. He was surprised when the judgment never came. There was no pity behind her blue eyes only simple acceptance of the facts. He was in complete awe of this woman.

 She smiled wistfully then before bringing her cup up to her mouth and taking a short sip,

“I was sort of engaged once.” She said while staring intently down at the table.

Gold blinked in surprise then he frowned when he realized what she had said,

“How can someone be ‘sort of’ engaged?”

Belle’s face reddened suddenly and this time is was Gold who leaned forward, intent on learning her secrets.

“Its sort of a long and arduous story, you really don’t want to hear it.”

“Well now I’m very intrigued Miss French,” He grinned, just as Granny came over and placed two slices of pie in front of both Gold and Belle. He didn’t miss the warm smile she gave Belle and the cold once over she gave him, but in this moment he couldn’t care less what the old woman thought, for he was actually enjoying himself for the first time in a long while.

Belle tapped her thumb on the white tabletop, a pensive smirk on her face, clearly trying to decide her next words carefully,

“Well first thing you have to know is that I am from a very small town. Everybody knows everyone with absolutely no privacy. You always have to have a pot of tea on just in case the neighbors decide to come on over for some gossip unannounced,”

“Sound eerily familiar…” Gold grumbled good naturedly and Belle laughed outright, cutting into the side of her pie with her fork,

“Some habits just never die Gold.” she teased,

“Your hometown is smaller than Storybrooke? I never knew such a thing could be possible,” Gold replied and delighted in the impertinent eye roll Belle gave him.

 “Please! Storybrooke is a regular metropolis compared to back home.” She laughed, “Anyway we are off topic, this guy, Gaston, kept asking me to go out with him. Weve known each other since forever and I was tutoring him in History and English and I suppose he decided that it would be a good idea for us to go steady. I wasn’t interested so I said no,”

“Not handsome enough?” Gold joked but Belle shook her head,

“Oh no, Gaston is absolutely gorgeous. Im pretty sure he’s a model now actually. He just wasn’t my type… very superficial, nothing below surface level. I mean, he was sweet at times even though he was conceited, but there really wasn’t enough there to spark my interest.” Belle smiled thoughtfully then, “I think love is more than finding someone who is merely amenable and marrying them because they were the first guy to ask.”

Gold immediately thought about his relationship with Milah, how they began their relationship in highschool, going to the same college and then marrying immediately after. Gold had found her very amenable and so did Milah, for a time. He knew more than anyone that simple surface agreeability is not enough to stabilize a marriage, at least not for himself.

“So, finally after being asked for like, the hundredth time I agreed to go on one date. He was very pleased with himself. We went to the movies, we shared popcorn, he tried to convince me to have sex with him in the back of his Dad’s corvette…”

Gold nearly choked on his bite of apple pie and Belle grinned mischievously,

“In the end I had a pleasant enough time but I was very glad it was over. Of course as you know, small towns require gossip to keep them going and by the end of the week I was apparently Gaston’s girlfriend. Only my Dad was the one to believe me when I told him the truth, everyone else would just smile and nod completely unwilling to falter in their assumptions.

About three weeks later, after graduation, I was invited to this surprise birthday party. Turns out it was not in fact a surprise birthday party but a surprise engagement party,” Belle paused and sighed, “My surprise engagement party. There was Gaston standing under a banner that said ‘Congratulations on your engagement Belle and Gaston’ along with our entire town. And My Father. And my relatives from a few towns over…”

Belle looked up and laughed at the expression of disgust on Gold’s face as he listened to her story,

“That is the most horrifying thing I have ever heard of.” He said with a distasteful gimmace.

“That’s not even the worst part, I was so shocked that I had no time to really confirm or deny our engagement and it took a while for me to register Gaston giving me a kiss and placing a ring on my finger. I went around the party in a daze as he led me from guest to guest, getting hugs and congratulations, asking about wedding dates and I don’t even remember what. We were sort of engaged for a total of ten hours before I had a chance to sit Gaston down and break it off. Of course everyone was disappointed to say the least.”

“That was quite the story.”

“Isnt it though?” Belle smirked.

“Have you been back since?” Gold asked and noted how Belle’s smile faded ever so slightly. She gnawed on her lower lip and nodded contemplatively,

“Six months ago, when my Father died.”

Gold swallowed hard and looked to his tea,

“I’m sorry to hear that.” He replied softly while his thoughts strayed to his own tragedy.

“Thank you. I’ll be alright though I suppose… I always imagine there is always a reason tragic things happen, and when you see that reason it makes things easier. “

Gold was brought up short with Belle’s frank observation and he looked up from the table and frowned at her,

“There is no _reason_ in tragedy. Bad things happen with no purpose to them, there is no bright side to death Belle.” He said sharply.

“That’s quite the bleak opinion.” She replied sternly and leaning back in her seat.

“That’s life Miss French.”

“Death is just a part of life, you cant do anything to change it so why focus on it?”

“You think we should simply forget the past?” he inquired

“I think that the past cannot be changed, and that the future is uncertain and therefore only the present is really what matters.”

Gold nodded, conceding to her logic.

“So what was your father’s profession, if its not too much to ask,” he inquired politely, deciding that the conversation was beginning to get too philosophical for his tastes at the moment. He gave Belle a small smile to which she returned with one of her own,

“He was an inventor of sorts, had a few patents on interesting but somewhat useless household items.”

“Ah” Gold smiled knowingly, “Like gilded pocket-watch holders?”

Belle giggled at the comparison and nodded her head,

“Exactly like pocket-watch holders. Apparently he was more successful than I thought. When he passed I inherited more money than I knew what to do with.” She sighed and looked down at her nearly empty cup, “What’s money compared to family though? I would choose my father over that any day.”

Belle gave Gold a wet smile before continuing, “Anyway, if it weren’t for the inheritance I doubt I would have been able to afford the house I bought here.”

Gold blinked at Belle and chuckled, “You actually purchased the duplex?”

Belle shrugged nonchalantly, “I’ve never owned a home before, I thought why not start now? I purchased it from Mrs.Hummel and am renting out the other half to her. At a much more reasonable price than your own properties I hear.” She winked and Gold rolled his eyes in amusement,

“So you’re my new competition?” he bantered.

“Better watch your investments Mr.Gold.” she added playfully. “I’m glad I had the opportunity to move here. If I hadn’t then the library would still be boarded up, Mrs.Hummel would have had to move to a retirement home and I wouldn’t have met you.” She finished with a soft smile. 

Gold was curiously speechless for a moment and he looked at Belle with a new understanding.

“Sometimes there is a reason tragic things happen…” he said under his breath, but he could tell by the glowing smile that Belle had heard every word. They stared at each other for a few breaths while the sliver of ice on Gold’s heart melted with the brightness of Belle’s smile and he felt lighter than he ever did before. Clearing his throat Gold looked down at the horrid tea he had been mindlessly drinking and fiddled with the teacup handle,

“So the burgers here have gained your approval, what do you make of the tea and Granny’s apple pie?” he asked and watched in amused curiosity as Belle carefully raised up her cup and took another sip.

“Well the pie was very good and the tea is… not too bad.” She replied diplomatically before giving him a face,

“The tea is shite isn’t it.” He replied dryly and Belle grinned placing her cup heavily on the table,

“Its complete shite. Tastes like bitter chemicals, how on earth could a place with burgers that good, sell such awful tea?” she laughed and Gold couldn’t help but join in. The rest of the diner looked curiously at the table in the back, but for once Gold just didn’t care.

“How about we find someplace that knows how to serve a proper cup of tea?” he asked.

Belle smiled and stood from her booth, quickly grabbing both their coats.

“Your place it is Mr. Gold, I know how to make a proper cup.” Belle said enticingly before slipping her arm through Gold’s elbow and following close at his side.

“One of the best idea’s you’ve had yet, Miss. French.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a lot of talking in this chapter and not much action, however Im hoping my muse will agree to a bit more action in the next chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time writing THIS sort of scene and took me a lot longer to write than it should have. I apologize for the wait, but here it is!

As was becoming habit, it was Belle who led the way inside Gold’s house, hanging her trench coat up on the coat rack by the door and leading the way into his kitchen.

As she moved down the hall she flipped on light switches and turned on lamps leaving an artificial glow in her wake. Gold was pretty sure he had never seen his house so lit up before - not even the curtains were opened during the day to allow much natural light. It was a very different experience, reminding him of days gone by when he welcomed the light rather than hide away from it within the shadows of the house that was much too big for him.

He leaned against the kitchen doorframe with his hands in his pockets and watched in amusement as Belle moved swiftly around his kitchen. Apparently the cupboards and drawers were already memorized by the petite brunette and she efficiently produced the promised tea with a smile thrown his way.

“Are you going to take your tea in that doorway or are you going to come on in and take a seat Gold?” She asked with a raise of her brow as she poured hot water into the white porcelain tea pot to warm it up while the water in the kettle took its time bringing the water to a boil.

“Unless of course you’ve rigged the kitchen with explosives in the time I’ve not been here and are just waiting for the room to explode? Did I hit the trip wire properly?” She teased and Gold sighed shooting her a half hearted frown,

“No I did not rig the kitchen with explosives, Miss French. That is much too tedious a task and frankly the last time I tried, I nearly singed off my eyebrows.” Gold replied smoothly with a roguish grin as he finally crossed the barrier into the kitchen.

He slowly made his way to the barstools at the counter and removed his suit jacket, laying it across the counter before returning his gaze back to where Belle was now scooping tea leaves into an infuser.

“So where did you learn to make a proper cup of tea?” Gold inquired as he leaned against his kitchen counter and watched Belle prepare.

“My Grandmother. She was English, insisted that I learn the proper methods of tea brewing. I was her tea-brewing pride and joy.” Belle said with a teasing grin as she poured them each a cup with a dash of milk and sugar.

“You do know that tea was introduced to England by a Portuguese princess, don’t you?” he replied as he sat on one of the barstools, his cane relaxing against the side of the counter.

“Of course I did, however we perfected it.” She smiled triumphantly and placing a cup in front of Gold.

Gold took an experimental sip and hummed in appreciation. Yes, this was much better than Granny’s tea. Gold closed his eyes briefly and examined the flavours on his palate with his next sip, enjoying the honeyed aroma that made him feel at ease for the first time in a while. Belle had taken a seat in the stool next to himself at the table and swiveled around to face Gold, her bare knee brushing against his pant leg just enough for him to look down and take notice.

“I’m good aren’t I?”

Gold tore his gaze away from Belle’s knee and looked up to see her grinning at him over the rim of her teacup.

“The tea is definitely better than Granny’s.” Gold conceded, taking a longer drink from his cup. Belle’s tongue darted out to lick her bottom lip as she placed her own cup onto the counter, and Gold’s eyes drew downwards to watch the motion, entranced at the slight movement and noticing for what felt to be the first time the redness of her lips as she smiled at him and leaned forward.

Her brow raised slightly in a slight question as her hand brushed against the fabric of his pant leg before planting firmly upon his knee. Gold’s heart began to race as Belle leaned forward even more, pausing and leaving a small gap between their faces, her tongue darting out again to wet her lips once more as her eyes quickly darted down to his lips and back up. Before he could second guess himself, Gold closed this distance and his lips gently brushed hers with a whisper of longing.

Surprisingly, Gold felt Belle press against him even harder once their lips touched, her mouth opening just a bit and that tongue of hers brushing against the inside of his top lip. He could feel the heat begin to rise between the two of them, the longing inside of him nearly bursting from within. He needed this, he rationed to himself as he let Belle push forward, straddling his lap and dragging her hands up and through his hair, gently tugging at the root near the nape of his neck. It was a delicious pain that had Gold growling in pleasure.

He hadn’t felt this alive in a long time and he cherished the blood rushing to his ears, the pounding in his chest and the almost painful way Belle tugged at his hair, bearing his throat to her affectionate ministrations. She pressed open mouthed kissed along his jaw and down his neck as her hands tugged at the bottom of his shirt up from his pants. He pulled her back to him, his mouth seeking hers and tasting a mixture of tea, sweetness, and something else that was entirely Belle.

His tongue sought out these flavours and he delighted in the gentle keens and moans coming from her as he continued to devour her light. She ground into his lap and into the growing buldge in his pants in appreciation as his hands finally found that inch of skin on her knee that he had been longing to feel under his fingertips. Her skirt was hitched high upon her leg and Gold’s hands caressed her outer thigh raising the fabric of her dress even higher, his whole being loving the warmth and softness of her.

With a needy groan Belle tore herself away from his mouth and stood, grabbing Gold by the base of his tie and yanking him to his feet. He tired not to stumble with his bad leg as Belle quickly slid the tie from his neck and threw it unceremoniously to the ground. She attacked his mouth again as her hands began to quickly unbutton his shirt and opening the first few up to bear his collar and the light spattering of hair upon his chest, her mouth wandering away from his and down his neck, leaving a fiery trail along his collar and down his center. With a quick kiss and a gentle tug from her teeth against his still clothed nipple, forcing a jolt of pleasure to shoot straight down to Gold’s groin, Belle pulled away and stepped back.

Gold watched with wide eyed fascination as Belle reached behind her to unzip her dress, quickly pulling the fabric up and over her head and revealing matching blue lingerie, as if she knew this was where the evening had been heading.

“Did you know this was going to happen?” Gold couldn’t help but ask, his breathing heavy as he took in her small curves and bare skin. Belle smiled cheekily and glanced down at herself before stepping to him once more and giving his ear a slight nibble.

“I figured it was a possibility…” she purred into his ear before returning her lips to his in a fierce kiss. Arms wrapped around Gold’s neck and shoulders as Gold’s hands began to explore the new surfaces of soft flesh, dipping down along her back and down toward her bum. Belle pulled Gold along with her as she backed up into the living room, not once breaking her hold until the back of her legs hit the arm of the couch and she sank back so that now she was sitting upon the arm, her legs widening and her arms pulling Gold between them and down so that now he was the one leaning into Belle.

He couldn’t believe that this was happening and for a moment he thought that perhaps he was dreaming, and that soon he would begin to hear the blasting of his alarm clock and shattering the image of a half naked Belle sprawled before him on the arm of his couch, warm and inviting. As Belle began to undo the buckle of his belt, Gold began to wonder exactly as to Belle’s intentions. There was no way someone as beautiful as she would want someone like him.

“Why are you doing this?” Gold whispered against Belle’s lips before pulling back slightly so that he could look into her eyes. Her hands stopped their ministrations and her eyebrows knit in confusion before she smiled slightly,

“What do you mean?” she asked before leaning in to return to kissing him. Yes, kissing was good, Gold liked the taste of her, the feel of her around him, but still a suspicious pang tugged at him and he pulled away again,

“Why did you want to have dinner with me?” he asked and Belle blinked at him, pulling back just a bit with her one hand still pressed against his chest and the other at his belt.

“I told you, I like you.” She replied, leaning in again but this time Gold placed a hand upon her chest, just above her breast to stop her.

“That night, you came to my door with a gift basket already prepared. Why did you do it?” he continued, his eyes now searching hers for an answer. A voice inside his head screamed at him to stop, to just forget about it, but now that he had said it, he wanted to know.

Belle let out a breathless chuckle and looked at him incredulously,

“I’m sitting here in my knickers, and you seriously want to start a conversation about muffins?” she laughed, the hand at his belt coming up to tangle into his hair.

Gold’s lips pressed together in a straight line and he pulled slightly back.

“Look Belle, as I told you before, I don’t need your pity…”

Belle’s bright smile slowly dropped from her face and her eyes searched his for a moment before flashing heatedly.

“You think this is pity sex?” she exclaimed a mixture of anger and astonishment, her hands still resting lightly upon his chest and neck.

Gold clenched his jaw tightly and he winced. _Yes, I think this is pity sex_ he thought bitterly as he felt Belle shove him away.

“Do you really think so low of me, that you assume I would just jump into a man’s bed just because I pity him? Sex is not exactly something I take lightly…” she hissed with her nostrils flaring angrily.

“Well, we have only known each other for a few days and already I’ve seen more of you than anyone else that I’ve known for much longer.” Gold replied before wincing and immediately regretting every word. Before he could stutter out an apology Belle’s hand made contact with the side of Gold’s cheek - the slap echoing loudly within the room. The sharp pain in Gold’s face made him wince and he closed his eyes briefly, knowing he absolutely deserved that.

Without a word Belle gathered up her dress and quickly slipped it over her head, her hands fumbling with the zipper in the back as Gold still remained before her, his head still turned to the side with the force of Belle’s hand.

“You know Gold, I actually liked you and I was beginning to think you felt the same” She began bitterly while still fumbling with her zipper and letting out a noise of frustration when she couldn’t get it up all the way.

“Yes well, forgive me if I don’t believe you.” Gold replied bitterly while working his jaw, because t _he only one who could ever love him for him was no longer with him…_

Belle looked over at Gold and finally he saw a slight glimmer of pity within those blue eyes, mixed of course with a look of anger as she stepped close to Gold and glared up at him with her fists clenched at her sides.

“Perhaps I should pity you; you dislike yourself so much that you don’t see what’s right in front of you.” She retorted fiercely, “You’re a coward Gold.”

Belle’s words cut straight to his heart and Gold nearly stumbled back in surprise. Instead he glared down at the petite brunette with bright flashing blue eyes, her face reddened beautifully in anger.

“Get out.” He hissed through clenched teeth and hands slightly trembling. Belle let out a bitter laugh and finally stepped away from Gold nodding her head fervently with watery eyes,

“Gladly.” She replied as she spun on her heel and stomped down the hallway, angrily scooping up her shoes and ripping her coat off the coat rack with such force that the movement nearly toppled the thing over in her haste.

“Goodbye Mr.Gold.” She called out before swinging open the door.

Gold took a sharp breath inwards as the woman retreated into the hallway and took a step forward, wanting to call her back; say he was sorry and tell her that she was right. But by the time he thought it, Belle had already slammed the front door behind her, the stained glass rattling in her wake.

Gold slowly made his way to the door, forgoing his cane and stopping just at the window. He looked out to where Belle had stopped just at the bottom of his front step, her heels in one hand and jacket in the other. He could see the tension in her shoulders and for a moment he thought that perhaps she would change her mind and come back. But just as her head turned to the side, back towards his house, she appeared to decide against it and instead stalked across his front lawn, jumping over the low bushes that fenced in his yard and stomping over to her own place.

From his position Gold could not see Belle’s front door, but he could hear it slam shut with great force and in that moment Gold closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the cool stained glass.

He fucked up.

With a sigh Gold looked up his own staircase and contemplated his next move. Slowly he made his way up the stairs, his limp now clearly evident as he felt a familiar weight press back down on him.

 He stopped just outside the doorway next to his bedroom and stared blindly at the dark wood as he clenched and unclenched his fist. With a shaky inhale Gold pushed open the door and glanced around Neal’s old bedroom.

No dust had collected in the room as Gold’s maid always made sure the room was perfectly free from grime as Gold had specified. He could feel his chest tighten and restrict as he stood at the threshold, sorrowful pain shooting across his body. Gold’s breathing became shaky as his emotions ripped through him.

Stumbling to Neal’s old twin bed, Gold collapsed onto the edge of the mattress, his eyes blurry with tears and his breathing labored.

Neal was dead; his son was dead and gone forever. He wasn’t coming back. And now he had pushed away the first person who made him feel for the first time since that horrible day when his only boy took his last breath.

Gold’s vision was now completely blurred as he doubled over on the bed, a despairing sob ripping from his mouth and echoing throughout the empty house.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GAH! Im sorry this took so long, I had issues getting Regina just right. I'm still not sure if she's the way I want, but hey its good enough. This is the morning after Gold's disastrous date and YES things are getting a bit happier. Your welcome. Also we learn Gold's first name in this chapter. See if you can catch it...

It was the warmth of the sun streaming through the window that reminded a groggy Gold that he had fallen asleep in his son’s old bedroom.

He nuzzled further into the unfamiliar pillow beneath him; the stale scent of long unused linens made his nose wrinkle in discomfort and forcing Gold to roll over onto his back as he blinked away the sleep from his eyes in the wake of the bright sunlight.

He was so used to having the curtains drawn in his own room that for a brief manic moment Gold wondered if he was still in his own house at all. _Maybe he had dreamt himself accusing Belle of trading sex for sympathy and he was actually not in Neal’s bed, but in Belle’s. She would be the type to have her curtains pulled wide open..._ But of course Gold knew the truth and he winced again at the memory from the night before.

God, he was such an idiot.

He groaned when he finally removed himself from the twin bed, his bad leg aching like crazy from his trek up the stairs, sans cane, the night before and his throat was sore from his uncontrollable sobbing. With still bleary eyes Gold took in his surroundings, noticing how different the room looked in the light of day.

On top of the dresser before a mirror sat a collection of framed photographs, all well dusted as per Gold’s request to the housekeeper.

There was one of Young Neal smiling widely before a large birthday cake with six glowing candles, flanked by a smiling Milah and Gold. Next to it was a picture of a lanky preteen Neal splayed comfortably across one of the living room couches and grinning into the camera with an arm around an equally young Regina captured in the midst of an eye roll. A simple black frame contained an image of Gold wearing a proud smile and arm around both a teenaged Neal wearing a graduation cap and a now smiling Regina in similar graduation cap and valedictorian sash draped across her shoulders (unsurprisingly Cora was not featured in any of the photos for she never attended any sort of milestone celebration for her daughter). As Gold’s eyes continued to travel around the room he saw more photos thumb tacked to the walls – Polaroid’s of a young Neal and Emma sitting on the lawn at the Boston University, both frozen in time with wide laughing smiles upon their faces and staring giddily up at the camera. This was surrounded by several other Polaroid’s and images stuck haphazardly around the room depicting groups of friends from college parties with Neal and Emma somewhere in the middle, sometimes even Regina’s big toothy smile could be seen in a few.

Gold’s gaze returned to the pictures on the dresser as he stood up and moved closer, picking up one of the frames with just Gold and Neal standing together and both looking happy and content. Gold’s eyes drifted up and he stared at his reflection, and he frowned at what he saw.

The man in the mirror looked so different from the one in the photo. He looked tired for one with his eyes puffy from the night before. The lines around his mouth were more pronounced and there was a permanent furrow in his brow and greying hair around his temples, more so than he remembered the last time he really looked into a mirror. Gold turned his head from side to side, studying himself for the first time in a year and memorizing the changes in his person.

Then Gold did something that he had not seen himself do it quite a long time. Gold saw the man in the mirror smile. It wasn't a wide smile like in the photo in his hand. No, it was just a small upturning of the lips which in turn softened his brown eyes and removed of the furrow in his brow.

_“See Papa, you look good when you clean up; you must take after my side of the family” Neal said with a wink while Gold was putting the finishing touches on his suit for the wedding. It was his son’s wedding but for some reason Gold was the one who appeared to be nervous and constantly checking to make sure he looked his very best. Neal as usual was calm and content, easily relaxing anyone standing within two feet of himself._

_Gold grunted in disbelief before looking away from the mirror above the dresser in Neal’s room, and back at his smirking son in a suit just as immaculate as Gold’s, quite the different look from Neal’s usual preference for worn jeans and sweat shirts._

_Neal continued to grin at his father while he fastened gold cufflinks to his sleeves, an early wedding gift from his father,_

_“I think that once all this is over, we should find you someone to take care of you.” Gold made a face and opened his mouth to disagree, “now don’t argue with me Old man!’ Neal raised a finger up to silence Gold’s blossoming protest, “Someone has to be there to keep you in line since I will no longer be living here. I know you too well.” His boy paused and smiled, his own brown eyes softening a bit. “You know I love you right Papa?”_

_Gold fought the urge to roll his eyes playfully and merely scoffed at his son,_

_“Of course I do, who wouldn't?” Gold replied with a mischievous grin and a dramatic gesture of his hand showcasing his immaculate suit. Gold and Neal shared a brief laugh before Gold suddenly pulled his son into a fond hug. “And I don’t think I really need to worry about finding someone to keep me in line just yet, so let’s just put that on backburner, yeah.”_

_Neal rolled his eyes but Gold could see that his son had conceded to his wishes._

_“Emma is a very lucky girl.” Gold continued, pulling back just enough to look his boy in the eye without pulling away completely. “I’m proud of you.”_

_Neal smiled, a near replica to his father’s smile, “I know. And I’ll never forget it.”_

Gold blinked away the memory as he replaced the picture back on the dresser and stole a glance at the Mr. Gold in the mirror before limping out of the old unused bedroom and toward his own.

Gold slowly pulled away the remaining layers of his suit, noting that his jacket had been left downstairs along with the tie Belle had pulled away and discarded. All that was left was his shirt and his trousers. Gold sighed when he looked down at the shirt which was halfway unbuttoned still and his belt which also remained opened and he closed his eyes at the memory of the previous night, once more cursing himself for how he reacted.

Belle was absolutely right once again – Gold was a coward. He still couldn’t understand how someone as bright and alive as Belle could want someone as sad and dark as himself, the idea just didn’t sit well with Gold and he sighed as he shimmied out of his trousers and removed his socks.

Out the corner of his eye, Gold spotted his antique handgun still sitting on the side table and he let out a deep sigh as he slowly walked toward the table. He reached out and lifted the gun into his hand and studied it again, a finger tracing the barrel reverently and fingering the safety on the back.

He didn’t want to shoot himself. Gold blinked in surprise at that revelation as he continued to study the gun and he let out a short laugh before shaking his head and opening the drawer to the side table, hiding the gun under the piles of random items kept safe within.

Gold collapsed on the bed, breathless with that revelation and once more ran a hand down his face and rubbed his eyes aggressively while he thought about what he was going to do now. He should apologize to Belle; he should go over to her house right now and just apologize for being an idiot.

Gold frowned up at the window, the curtains drawn tight so as to keep out the light. He sat there staring for what felt like hours, but was in fact only minutes according to the alarm clock next to his bed. With a new-found sense of determination Gold stood up from the bed and stalked over to the windows and swiftly pulled the curtains wide and fought back watery eyes as a year of dust filtered through the light flowing through into his room, reaching out into the deepest corners of the bare walls and reminding them of what the sun felt like.

Gold closed his eyes against the bright light, his hands still fisted in the curtains, and he let the warmth of the sun melt away what remained of his fear, his anger and his loneliness and just let himself feel.

 

* * *

 

 Gold stood outside the Storybrooke Public Library and stared up at the large banner hanging over the doorway that read _Grand Opening._ He had stood in front of Belle’s doorway earlier that day, ringing her doorbell for an embarrassing amount of time and growing more and more distressed by the minute. So many things ran through his mind, _I screwed up for good, she will never want to see you again, you are worth nothing…_ before Belle’s neighbour Mrs. Hummel stepped onto the porch and directed him to the Library. Gold had completely forgotten what day it was and felt relief flood his system before giving a stunned Mrs. Hummel a polite smile and nod and quickly stepping down the poured concrete steps and over to his Cadillac parked in the drive.

He continued to stare up at the banner as his nerves overcame his relief. What if it was too late? She was a stubborn woman, and what he had said was unforgivable. With effort Gold straightened his back and took a deep and calming breath before striding into the doors of the Library.

The place looked exactly the same as he remembered and Gold sucked in a sharp breath at the familiar surroundings, memories of young Neal skipping through the aisles and begging his father for his own library card. Upon further inspection, however, Gold did note a few significant changes here and there and the tightness in his chest loosened slightly as he continued to take in the scene. For one thing the walls no longer held that drab puke green colour that the city had painted it back in the late 70’s (God that was a bad decision) but instead was a neutral shade of soft yellow which complemented the yellow and white tiles on the floor rather than clash with them. The circulation desk was brand new and looked quite modern in its rounded shape and behind the desk and just to the left, replacing the ancient and massive card catalogue case was a row of shiny new computers with a small golden plaque glittering just above the row of, undoubtedly expensive Mac computers. Gold rolled his eyes when he read the plaque that reminded the town that the computers were generously donated by one Ms. Cora Mills.

“Pretentious isn’t it? Even when she’s halfway across the world she still finds ways to make sure her presence is always known.”

A familiar female voice mumbled to Gold’s left and he let out a sound of agreement before turning and smirking at Regina.

“You know how your Mother is, always demanding attention.”

Regina rolled her eyes and turned away from the plaque and shot Gold a sidelong glance.

“So, I hear you've been busy recently; _I hear_ you've got a new girlfriend.” Regina said while raising a single black eyebrow at Gold. When Gold didn’t immediately respond Regina flipped her hair and turned to face him, her arms folded across her chest in indignation. “The diner was all abuzz with the gossip this morning when I went to get coffee before driving to the airport. Why didn’t you tell me? I had to hear it from Leroy of all people.”

Gold and Regina both glanced over at the short Janitor standing nearby, dangerously flirting with a very tall and willowy Novice Nun. Gold and Regina both raised their eyebrows when the Nun blushed and swatted Leroy’s arm playfully.

“Why _didn’t_ you tell me Nick?” Regina said again, much to Gold’s dismay. No matter how much Regina disliked her Mother, Gold could always see a bit of Cora’s stubbornness and determination to push on until she got what she wanted in Regina at time. It was a trait that made Regina a particularly good leader and a specific pain in Gold’s ass at times. Of course, Gold could be just as stubborn.

“There isn’t anything to tell.”

Regina pursed her lips and shot Gold a pointed look.

“I’m just concerned. For the past year you’ve been walking around in some sort of dark shadow and then suddenly you’re having dates at a diner with a woman who I’m pretty sure is younger than myself. Is this some sort of mid-life crisis thing?”

Gold barked out a loud laugh that had several people including Regina pause. A few people turned around and looked at the two of them strangely.

“Are you upset that I’m dating, or is it the age difference that bothers you?” Gold laughed.

“So it was a date?” Regina recovered in her shock and smirked slyly.

“It was just dinner Regina. Am I not allowed to have dinner in public? I thought after all the passive aggressive voicemails you keep leaving on my phone, urging me to get out, you would be pleased.” Gold replied with a smirk of his own. Regina shook her head and chuckled, letting her guard down slightly.

“When I said go out and do something, I wasn’t aware that would entail you going straight for the twenty something Librarian who just moved to town.”

“Actually, I’m pretty sure she’s in her early thirties…” Gold pointed out helpfully and stopping when Regina’s hand flew up to silence him.

“None the less, are you sure she doesn’t have some sort of ulterior motive? No offence but you’re not exactly the most warm and cuddly person. It took me three years to like you.”

“I remember vividly.” Gold said dryly before sighing and continuing, “I’m pretty sure Ms. French has no disreputable intentions. In fact I know she doesn’t…” Gold grimaced at the memory of Belle’s enraged face from the night before. Regina studied Gold for a moment, clearly trying to decide for herself if he was being honest with her.

“Well, if you really believe that then well… I suppose I can be happy for you. But I’m still going to be keeping an eye on Ms. French. She may seem all sweetness and light, but we both know that sometimes that just isn’t the case.”

“I’m flattered Regina,” Gold replied sardonically while placing a hand above his heart and grinning when Regina merely rolled her eyes at his theatrics. “But I am an adult, there’s no need to be concerned.”

“Well someone has to be.” Regina replied before looking away briefly and sweeping a straw hair from her forehead self consciously, “you know, I was young when my Father died, so really you’re the only father I’ve ever known.” Regina pressed her lips together and shifted on her feet, clearly not very comfortable being so up front with her feelings, “Therefore I feel that I have every right to be concerned; you’re the only parent I have left…” Gold began to argue but Regina silenced him again by raising a single well manicured finger, “Cora Mills doesn’t count. She’s barely a human being…” Regina snorted while glancing at the new computers.

Gold opened his mouth again to protest but ultimately he had to concede to Regina’s logic. He had only been married to Cora Mill’s for eight years, but after just four of those years he realized what sort of Mother and person she really was: selfish, cold, and ruthless when it came right down to it, and not averse to betraying her own daughter if it meant it would help with Cora’s own personal success.

“Your right; cat’s are better Mothers. The heartless bitch…”

“Such a heartless bitch.” Regina agreed immediately with a nod before breaking out into a wide smile.

“I missed this Nick. Perhaps having a girlfriend really is a good idea…”

Gold sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration while Regina continued to grin,

“She’s _not_ my girlfriend!”


End file.
